the girl who had two birds.
Stacey, I can’t even…how long did you have those birds? Two fucking seconds? I look at my phone for two fucking seconds and this is what happens. No, I’m not going to lend you more money for birds. Honestly, why did I lend you bird money last month? What is my problem, really? I fucking knew you were going to eat them.
What? No, it did not fly away! I can see it’s feet hanging out of your mouth! You are actively chewing it! I can still hear it screaming! Oh, don’t look at me like that! Do you want my sympathy? Okay, fine: I’m sorry that I locked you in that cedar chest we found in the attic of that abandoned mansion, and when I let you out you had journeyed forever in a crystalline netherworld that neither of us could ever return to again. I’m sorry that you are still “dealing with that.” How about instead of buying you birds that I just fucking know you are going to eat, I pay for you to go to see Dr. Schumaker? What? Okay, yes, and I’ll get you some gum. Jesus. Yes, you can eat the other one. Both of us know you’re going to anyway. But don’t come crying to me when their beaks cut up your butthole again.