sarahchristine

sarahchristine:

laineydiemond:

zzbbtt:

i dont think i’ll ever stop reblogging this shit

OMG

who is this perfect human

I forgot if I reblogged this before, but if not.

axelrod
  • Person: Hi, do you want pizza?
  • Person Nobody Likes: No. I'm being healthy. I'm not eating pizza because...
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It looks so good, but the calories--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: ...and the fat--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Here's a long explanation of my diet...
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: But I wish I could cheat LOL!
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: That stuff is so bad for you, you know? But you have fun!
  • Everyone who has left to go live their lives:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's the gluten, you know? I don't know what that is, but it's soooooo baaaaaad.
  • Crickets who have come out because it's midnight now:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I cheated and ate an M&M yesterday! I spent an hour at the gym to make up for it but so worth it LOL.
  • Unfeeling universe:
  • Person Nobody Likes: Have you tried using cauliflower instead of bread to make a pizza?
  • Existential dread:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It tastes exactly the same, and it's sooooo much healthier.
  • Death itself:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I'm gonna go drink my soy smoothie now.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's a small size.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Gotta watch my thighs!
  • Apocalypse, the end of all space and time as we know it, the fathomless void of nothingness:
  • Person Nobody Likes: BUT YOU ENJOY THAT PIZZA, FRIEND.
hallekiefer
hallekiefer:

Isn’t our new poster BEAUTIFUL? It comes courtesy of the disgusting mind of Tom Chamberlain aka scabramp.tumblr.com. Tom Chamberlain: for all your sick, beautiful picture needs.
Speaking of things that are sick and beautiful, Splitsider’s July Dog & Pony Show is downright putrid, and includes such geniuses as:
Adam Newman! (Comedy Central Half Hour)
Michelle Wolf!  (Late Night with Seth Meyers)
Naomi Ekperigin! (Broad City)
Hugh Moore! (truTV’s Friends Of The People)
Get yr $5 ticket here! Joe and I love you very much! 

This is tonight, buddies! Come on ouuuut!

hallekiefer:

Isn’t our new poster BEAUTIFUL? It comes courtesy of the disgusting mind of Tom Chamberlain aka scabramp.tumblr.com. Tom Chamberlain: for all your sick, beautiful picture needs.

Speaking of things that are sick and beautiful, Splitsider’s July Dog & Pony Show is downright putrid, and includes such geniuses as:

Adam Newman! (Comedy Central Half Hour)

Michelle Wolf!  (Late Night with Seth Meyers)

Naomi Ekperigin! (Broad City)

Hugh Moore! (truTV’s Friends Of The People)

Get yr $5 ticket here! Joe and I love you very much! 

This is tonight, buddies! Come on ouuuut!