January 2009
111 posts
Saddlebacking: sad•dle•back•ing \ˈsa-dəl-ˈba-kiŋ\... →
o, THAT’s what that’s called.
This Is Every Conversation I Have With My Parents...
Me: Don't worry, I'll buy a lock box for my valuables when I move.
Mom: Well, they can always steal the box.
Me: Yeah, but they can't open it
Mom: Well, they could always find a sledge hammer and break it u...
Me: NO ONE IS GOING TO HIT MY LOCK BOX WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER. JESUS.
yeah, but they'll all laugh about this later. →
"If there was no Martin Luther King Jr. and no... →
- Roland Burris, the African-American politician recently appointed to Obama’s U.S. Senate seat in Illinois
I’d have to say I agree with approximately half of that statement…
I also just invented Shamwaahs: tiny Shamwows you wear on your cheeks to absorb your tears on Valentine’s Day. Can also be attached to the bottom of your thick plastic glasses, you nerd.
110-year-old 'living fossil' becomes a dad →
i saw this and i was like, o my god, Mom is pregnant?
I think my new pick up line is going to be, “Damn boy, I hope you brought a Shamwow, because I’m gonna need it to dry off my SEAT.”
When this girl dies and gets to the Pearly Gates,... →
me: did u watch that video?
Chris: i have seen better paintings of bruce lee, that is for sure!
me: sometimes I wonder who the hell you think you are
i love how New Yorkers pronounce Florida as Flower-duh, instead of the Midwestern Floor-duh.
This is What is Wrong With Japan →
See, in America, if someone murders and eats someone we don’t…make them a minor celebrity and let them go on Oprah, talking about how they want to…eat someone else. Come on, Japan! Pull yourself together!
O wait, I’m sorry, I just noticed that he is a FOOD CRITIC. A fucking food critic. Irony is not an excuse here, Japan! IT NEVER IS.
5 Reasons To Watch The Puppy Bowl Instead Of The... →
A PUPPY STREAKER? Well I’m just going to start squealing now.
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME PUPPY FOOOOOTBAAAAALLLL! →
O. MY. SWEET. MERCIFUL. GOD. IN. HEAVEN. I FORGOT IT WAS THE PUPPY BOWL THIS SUNDAY! I hope my neighbors don’t call the cops due to my shrieking at the top of my lungs for 4 hours.
AND. DID. I. MENTION. THE. KITTY. HALFTIME. SHOW?
The best part is that there is a dead-pan human referee who is literally on his knees in the tiny model stadium where the puppies play, blowing the whistle on...
Shamwow vs. Slanket →
johncarney:
Can’t someone just put these two products together, so we have a blanket with sleeves that we can use to mop up our spills?
i’m on it.
You're just the cutest little car thief! Yes you... →
“From reading a book to educate ourselves on a certain topic, to adopting a...”
– Mary Rambin: MY BODY, MY BOTOX
God I knew I was missing something on my New Year’s Resolution List. Ya know, my other list. The one where I hate myself.
(via meaghano)
From riding a rocket made of old tin cans to the moon, to befriending a kingdom of mice that live under my stove, to crafting the...
two types of women
ohgolly:
natashavc:
when you stand with your feet together: do the top of your thighs touch?
if they don’t. i don’t trust you.
women who have that gap between their crotches and their thighs, that wind tunnel caused by thinness, vanity, etc. you were most likely lanky all your life and therefore don’t relate to me. you are a different type of woman than i am.
mine squish together.
(i’m...
The Obesity Virus? →
(via nickmcglynn)
o. hell. no.
Is Your Man Gay? Quiz →
jeebus, there are 19 questions on this sucker. Good thing I already know all my mens are gay.
Scrabble makes me lose control.
me: prepare to get your ass kicked in at Scrabble
me: you better get a helmet...
me: FOR YOUR ASSHOLE
Chris: i'm just going to eat a ton of fiber
me: you're going to eat a ton of YOUR OWN TEARS when Will and I Scrabble-poop down your throat!
Chris: ha
me: laugh now
me: while you still can
Chris: i will laugh forever
me: IN HELL
me: AHAHAHAHA
WatchStephen Colbert’s Remix Challenge….Remixed
MAKE YOU GRIND, OKAY? MAKE YOU GRIND! Flawless.
meaghano:
“Paper Planes” remixed by DFA
...
Obama Girls Get Face Time With Jonas Boys →
Face Time! I don’t know they stopped screaming long enough to talk.
Do Your Thing...On The Runway!
My Roommate: You should probably just go ahead and have two kids and name them "Sashay" and "Shante"
Me: Yeah, but I wouldn't be a very good parent, because I'd always be yelling at them.
My Roommate: WORK!
Me: COVER GIRL!
My Roommate: GIVE A TWIRL!
Me: I didn't buy this camera so you could wet your lips and NOT make love to it!
Are You There, God? Its Me, Jamiroquai →
Thanks be to Christ Eckert!
possibly the saddest thing halle has ever said
bagcoffee:
meaghano:
Halle: i resent that the more you need a hug, the less likely it is that you’ll get it. Halle: e.g.: me, homeless people
Pity party: party of one?
eat me?
“I have a tattoo on the side of my penis that says stove top,” Morgan tells me...”
– Tracy Morgan (Maxim via Daily Intel) (via conorgriff)
When I called the girl to confirm, she had this to say about the incident, ” Stove Top Instant Stuffing? I meant it as an insult. Jesus, you know, it’s impossible to be passive-aggressive with someone who thinks a dojo is a part of the female...
Dear Ladies: Get Yr Business Looked At In January →
It’s Cervical Health Month! Hurroo!
as amazing as the inauguaral address was, and as much as I can’t stop weeping with hope and inspiration, I’m sorry, Aretha’s giant bedazzled divalicious bow hat stole the show.