Hi. I was wondering if you could help me out. I am not good at talking to girls on online dating sites. I write them and they never write me back. You seem like a nice girl that I would like to date. Could give me any advice to make my messages better? Maybe I could try to be funny like you. I would really appreciate it if you could take a look and my tumblr and see some of the messages i have been writing to girls and give me any advice you can think of. Thanks. -Brian
"6. Anyone have a tampon?" HAHAHA OH MY GOD I HAVE SAID THAT! OH MY SWEET HEAVENLY CHRIST CHILD, those actual words have come out of my mouth and now I’m seeing them with my very own human eyes and it’s like ELITE DAILY THE VOICE OF GENERATION-Y YES THAT IS THEIR ACTUAL TAGLINE is INSIDE MY BRAIN, harvesting my ACTUAL MEMORIES for SHIT I HAVE SAID, penetrating deep into the collective feminine unconscious and drawing forth HERETOFORE UNSPOKEN TRUTHS such as the fact that every girl has at some point asked if anyone had a tampon while she was on her period. HAHAHAHA I HAVE BEEN LAID BARE BY ELITE DAILY THE VOICE OF GENERATION-Y YES GENERATION-Y IS WRITTEN WITH A HYPHEN. Mine me for truths and then reveal them unto me in a cycle of discovery and revelation, Elite Daily FOREVER AND EVER AMEN!
Liza Dye is a comic in NY that was unfortunately hit by a subway car on Feb. 13th. She survived and is in good spirits, all things considered, but her left leg was fairly badly injured and she is expected to have to stay in the hospital until doctors see fit to release her. Because she has no health insurance, we’re putting together a benefit to help her out with medical expenses. This will be a great show for a great cause - we hope to see you there. Click the link above for tickets.
Guys, Oklahoma has had over 100 earthquakes in the last WEEK! How are people not discussing this more? Is it the fucking Olympics? Is it my OLYMPIC GIFCAPS DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE but seriously, please read this article. It is very alarming and bizarre.
Some people say nothing tastes as good as being thin feels, but I don’t know…have you ever had someone’s dick in your mouth? What? That’s not what they meant by that? Oh boy, this job interview is really going down the tubes.
As some of you may have heard, NYC comedian Liza Dye was struck by a subway train yesterday. She is in the hospital now and receiving treatment, but her bills are piling up fast. Liza is taking UCB classes and she does stand-up at UCBeast frequently. News story here.
Pack up your French Squeeze and reverse telescopes and join excellent guest Dan Hodapp over at Scarlett Johanssen’s Chimpy Treehouse for an episode of Ten Ideas that is, frankly, going to knock your socks off. Definitely one of the top ten things God ever did. Definitely.
Dan Hodapp is funny, handsome, and currently starring in a very new, very good play by the guy who wrote Urinetown! It’s called “Give the People What They Want” and you should go get tickets here.
Guys, if you haven’t subscribed to 10 Ideas, then clearly you do not want to laugh like a crazy person on the subway. These episodes with Dan Hodapp are probably the fucking funniest things I have consumed in 2014.
Guys, I just said the name “Rick Moranis” enough times to myself to bring about a complete breakdown of my understanding of the name Rick Moranis, names in general, Rick Moranis in general and the universe as a whole. Think about it: Rick Moranis’ first name is Rick. HIS FIRST NAME IS RICK! I’m fucking losing it over here.
I just read your rant about J. Seinfeld. I asked myself: "Who is Nicole Byer? Never heard of her." I now know something about you from reading this page. A comedienne who has never watched a "Seinfeld?" How out of touch with comedic reality is that? Funny is funny. Not everything is about race. Unless you make it so. Apparently, you do. Good luck. You're out of touch with your audience.
Hey man. Funny is funny. That show isn’t my funny that’s all. Comedy is subjective. You also don’t have to love ALL comedy to do comedy so goodbye to that notion. Saying diversity doesn’t matter about anything not just comedy I think is weird. Also I LOVE white people more than you’ll ever know so it’s not about that either.
It’s very frustrating as a woman of color to keep hearing diversity doesn’t matter or that women aren’t funny. That where my “rant” came from. My tired heart.
“Dunn’s former attorney, Robin Lemonidis, previously told CNN, “When all the evidence has been flushed out, I believe that it will be extremely clear that Mr. Dunn acted as any responsible firearm owner would have under the same circumstances,” Lemonidis said.”—